JAMES LILEKS: “You are not going to steal my new car, you motherf***er.”

Went home, hopped out of my car and yes, I left it running, because I was going to walk six steps to get the lawn mower, and besides, it’s Nice Part of Minneapolis, doncha know. I was pulling it out when I saw, out of the corner of my eyes, my car pulling away. There was one tall young male dressed in black running back to his car, and another male of indeterminate size in the driver’s seat.

Have you ever wondered what you would do in a situation like this? Instinct takes over, and your instinct is either be paralyzed by confusion or run after the thief. Apparently mine tend to the latter. I caught up with him as he was backing out of the driveway and threw a punch, which he dodged or I just threw wrong, and then I held on to the door frame while pounding his hand on the wheel, shouting, and I quote, “you are not going to steal my new car you mother***er”

Whereupon he accelerated, and I continued to hang on, until it seemed wise to let go, and I have a vision of my glasses flying up in the air. I got up, reached for my phone, realized it was in the car.

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