AILING PATIENT NOT FLATLINING YET: A Minecraft Movie Is the Hit Hollywood’s Been Waiting For.

The first three months of 2025 have been a disaster for the movie industry, with box-office disappointments including “Snow White,” “Mickey 17,” “Captain America: Brave New World,” “Novocaine” and “The Alto Knights.”

The total domestic box office in that period was $1.42 billion, down 12% from last year and 41% from 2019, the last year unaffected by the pandemic and 2023’s Hollywood labor strikes.

The first three months of the year “could not have been any worse for us,” Bill Barstow, chief executive of Main Street Theatres, a small chain of cinemas based in Nebraska, said at the CinemaCon industry convention in Las Vegas last week. Many theater owners were buzzing at CinemaCon about “Minecraft’s” potential to break out based on advance ticket sales.

Warner Bros. Discovery’s film business has been under growing pressure with two of this year’s biggest flops, “Mickey 17” and “Alto Knights,” and arguably the biggest box-office disaster of 2024 in “Joker: Folie à Deux.” Studio chiefs Pam Abdy and Mike De Luca have been spending large sums on risky projects at a time when the rest of their company is under pressure to cut costs.

Oh, and speaking of Snow White: The Last Straw: Snow White Production Slammed As Second Most Polluting Disney Film.

But do you want to know how we can tell now that the new “Snow White” and all seven vertically-challenged people have been well and truly tossed under the bus? The film is now being attacked for its carbon emissions.

By analysing more than 250 Disney film sets, Snow White was revealed to have created at least 4,258 tonnes of carbon dioxide.

This was the second most polluting Disney film, after The Little Mermaid live action remake which contributed to 5,983 tonnes, since 2019 when the environmental reporting requirement was introduced.

The combined emissions total more than Birmingham‘s and Luton’s annual CO2 contributions, according to The Observer.

Now, this information might have still been released, and the film production still criticized even had the movie been a roaring success, but I’m inclined to think not; as the old saying goes, “Success has a thousand fathers, while failure is an orphan.” On that basis, “Snow White” is the red-headed stepchild of a rented mule.

Here’s the giggle-inducing bit:

Snow White also created more greenhouse gases than the latest Fast & Furious film Fast X, despite the blockbuster principally being set around cars.

So, Vin Diesel and a bunch of hot cars roaring around the landscape produced lower carbon emissions than this Disney grenade. Makes you think, doesn’t it?

According to John Nolte, Snow White “no longer has any serious chance of reaching $100 million domestic.”

Well, I for one am happy to have done my bit to protect the environment by skipping the environmentally destructive Snow White, and am eagerly awaiting Fast & Furious X, a film that has an infinitely more Al Gore-approved message. (Actually, given that Gore tacitly declared global warming over when he sold out to oil-rich Qatar, and his reported love of gas-guzzling private jets, FFX really is a film that’s perfectly aligned with Al’s lifestyle!)

Related: The Critical Drinker on A Minecraft Movie: Pure Mindless Slop, And It’ll Make A Billion Dollars. “Minecraft is where filmmaking and imagination goes to die; the logical endpoint of lazy IP-exploiting Hollywood executives who are driven entirely by numbers and statistics.”