OLD AND BUSTED: “Firemen First.”
The New Hotness at the Washington Post? Locksmiths First! Long lines and canceled rentals: Firings bring chaos to national parks.
At California’s Yosemite National Park, the Trump administration fired the only locksmith on staff on Friday. He was the sole employee with the keys and the institutional knowledge needed to rescue visitors from locked restrooms.
The wait to enter Arizona’s Grand Canyon National Park this past weekend was twice as long as usual after the administration let go four employees who worked at the south entrance, where roughly 90 percent of the park’s nearly 5 million annual visitors pass through.
Mary Katharine Ham responds:
Every revelation is basically, “we do things in incredibly effed up ways and this has revealed the incredible effed uppedness of our ways that no private entity could ever withstand, but we can with your money, and the real problem is you have noticed our sacred effed up ways.”
No one’s like “Gee, maybe it’s a problem that a significant number of tourists get stuck bare-assed in our spartan, drafty shitters and have to wait for Todd the ancient locksmith of Yosemite to traverse El Capitan with the one piton that doubles as a skeleton key.”
Maybe THAT’S the problem that should be addressed.
Nonsense. I eagerly await Tom Hanks and Ed Harris starring in Ron Howard’s next movie:
With a cameo appearance from the new Red Adair:
And soundtrack by Lucinda Williams:
Meanwhile, Benjamin Franklin Gates’ next caper writes itself:
