And while the warning was eventually lifted, it did seem for a time that Frisco might have had a chance for, a, err, clean start, as Iowahawk tweeted:
UPDATE: Twenty years ago, the bard of Des Moines (and Austin) warned: Top Scientists Warn: Sea Gods Angry.
Washington, DC — Pointing to the devastating weekend Indian Ocean tsunami that left over 24,000 dead, an international blue ribbon committee of climatologists and ecoscientists today issued a stark warning that man-made pollutants have increasingly “make water spirits angry.”
The blunt conclusion prefaced a 2300 page meta-analysis of hundreds of scientific studies and computer models detailing links between human industrial activity and wrathful eco-deities. Entitled “Fire Bad: Fire Very Bad,” the report warns that the planet faces additional catastrophies unless drastic regulatory action is taken to appease Earthen-furies.
“Unclean money devils anger sacred water spirit Tai-Waku,” explained Martin Knudson of Scripps Oceanic Institute. “He now call angry to son the whale, ‘make slap with anger-tails! Bring vengeance-surf to villagers!'”
While most empirical evidence supports the theory of wrathful whale-tail slappings, some scientists are exploring alternative hypotheses for the weekend tsunami. Ecobiologist Jane Geary of UC Santa Cruz points to mounting evidence that the ocean spirit-world may have been driven to gastrointestinal rage by gas-guzzling SUVs.
“Thunder-wagon make smoke cloud of greenhouse gas,” explained Geary. “hungry Tai-Waku eat smoke from thunder-wagon, pass giant wind with mighty fury.”
Peter Novak, chief science officer of the Sierra Club, dismissed Geary’s “Divine Fart” theory, arguing it was more likely that SUVs had triggered the tsunami via a spirit underword sexual encounter.
“Wheels of thunder-wagons wake up Big Earth Spirit-Mother, make to crazy tingle in hairy child-place. She now go to water lair of Tai-Waku, make big angry love on tectonic plate,” said Novak. “Big Earth Spirit-Mother say, ‘if ocean rocking, don’t come a-knocking.'”
In accordance with the prophecy, here’s Jake Tapper today, mining the same territory, apparently unironically:
Jake Tapper wonders if Climate Change is making earthquakes stronger.
A seismologist has to tell him there's no evidence of that. pic.twitter.com/vY5a9DNRZA— Nicholas Fondacaro (@NickFondacaro) December 5, 2024