DISPATCHES FROM THE INTERSECTION OF THE EDUCATION APOCALYPSE AND THE DEATH OF THE GROWN-UP:

As the College Fix reported on November 5th: Coloring, puppets, crafts: Elite universities prep students for election results.

“In recognition of these stressful times all McCourt community members are welcome to gather. . . in the 3rd floor Commons to take a much needed break, joining us for mindfulness activities and snacks throughout the day,” Jacelyn Clevenger, student engagement director, wrote in an email.

There will be a “Legos Station,” “Milk and Cookies,” and tea and cocoa, according to the email.

“I wanted to ask Clevenger why college and graduate students needed milk and cookies to recover from their stress—and how being coddled in college might someday affect American diplomacy—but she didn’t respond to my calls or emails,” reporter Francesca Block wrote.

This is not the only elite university where the nation’s best can confront their stress with preschool-level activities.

Students at Harvard University can hang out with “Sunshine” a puppet today, thanks to the divinity school. Meanwhile, Virginia Tech students can “find [their] flow” today with “therapy dogs” and a “collaborative art project.”

In 1975, original Saturday Night Live head writer Michael O’Donoghue, an alumni of National Lampoon, which began out of the Harvard Lampoon, famously told Lorne Michaels that he wouldn’t lower himself to contribute to sketches featuring Jim Henson’s Muppets because “I won’t write for felt!” On November 5th, Harvard believed their students were so cossetted and emotionally frail that they’d need a puppet to survive the likely election results. So much for pretending that you’ll be the reincarnation of the French Resistance if Trump won his second term: