ANDREW STILES: Election Day 2024: What’s Going To Happen? And How Did We Get Here?
Today is Election Day. Who’s going to win? Trump? Harris? Nobody knows. It might be very close, or maybe not. God willing, we’ll have an answer by the end of the night. Until then, please enjoy this definitive preview (and insightful recap) of the 2024 presidential election.
If Harris Wins: The mainstream media are going to congratulate themselves for saving democracy. For many journalists, it will be the best thing that will ever happen to them for the rest of their miserable lives. Eventually, reality will set in as their companies continue to hemorrhage money in the post-Trump era. They won’t know what to do when their mostly liberal readers and viewers have no interest in hearing or reading about why House Republicans are a bunch of fascists for voting down the Harris-Schumer Common Sense Solutions Act of 2025. Harris will be so obnoxious and ineffectual as president, there might be rumblings of a Hillary Clinton primary challenge or coup. We’ll never find out what she actually believes, and we’ll spend another four years wondering who is actually running the country. China will definitely invade Taiwan.
If Trump Wins: Millions of college degree holders will suffer debilitating mental breakdowns. We’ll witness a collective tantrum the likes of which the world has never known. The media will run a bunch of headlines about how American voters “chose fascism” because they “hate women.” A bunch of celebrities will insist they were serious about leaving the country but never follow through beyond changing their official residences to some offshore tax haven. Journalists will anoint themselves again as guardians of democracy, only harder. Their behavior will grow increasingly unhinged, perhaps to the point where they start doing sit-ins on the White House lawn or reading the Constitution in a Guy Fawkes mask or quitting their jobs to go live on a compound with armed separatists in California. No one will ever ask Kamala Harris to run for public office ever again.
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