FIREFIGHTERS BRAVELY RUSHING IN TO COVER BREAKING STORIES!

● Shot: Newsweek Discovers a New Pathology on the Right: Right-Leaning Men Have a “New Obsession,” and It’s Hot Girls With Nice Bodies and Conventional Good Looks!

—Ace of Spades, today.

● Chaser: Is Disney Bad at Star Wars?

—The Hollywood Reporter, yesterday.

● Hangover: Even America’s Newspaper of Record isn’t immune to be painfully slow on the draw! Are You An Unathletic Oaf Who Gets Winded Going Up A Single Flight Of Stairs? Why Pickleball Might Be For You.

—The Babylon Bee, yesterday.