GOODER AND HARDER, CALIFORNIA:

Oakland’s last Republican mayor left office in 1977.

Meanwhile, at America’s Newspaper of Record: God Baffled That Democrats Managed To Ruin California. “‘You guys were literally given everything! How do you even do that?’ said a spokesangel for the Almighty. ‘You have perfect weather, beautiful coastline, great surfing, skiing in the mountains, fish tacos, rolling vineyards, the list goes on. How on earth did you manage to take the most beautiful stretch of land on God’s earth and turn it into a huge dump? It doesn’t make any sense.’”