ANTARCTICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD: Study Finds 100% Of Men Would Immediately Leave Their Desk Job If Asked To Embark Upon A Trans-Antarctic Expedition On A Big Wooden Ship.

U.S. — A new study has found that 100% of men would immediately leave their desk jobs if a daring explorer showed up at their place of work and said, “My lad, I am in need of bold adventurers to join me on my tall wooden ship as I attempt to traverse the entire continent of Antarctica.”

The survey found that every single actual man on the planet would immediately log out of Slack, Trello, Zoom, and countless other productivity and connectivity apps, pack their things, and join the dangerous and deadly voyage without a second thought.

Ernest Shackleton, call your office! (Though at the risk of a being a killjoy: Shackleton Probably Never Took Out an Ad Seeking Men for a Hazardous Journey.)

Also, I’d rather traverse the arctic in a Toyota pickup: