AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD: Adolf Hitler Announces Run For President.

Political analysts have been left dumbfounded, struggling to comprehend how literally Hitler was back and in the flesh running for office in America. Despite the confusion and lack of support, the Hitler campaign vowed to press on, stopping at nothing to restore the Third Reich.

At publishing time, Adolf Hitler closed his announcement speech by promising that as President the first things he’d do are: exterminate all undesirables, grow an iconic mustache, and invade Disney.

I don’t see how we expand socialism even more nationally in 2024, but invade Disney? After seeing the last Star Wars sequel and clips from the new Indiana Jones movie, where do I sign up?!