DISPATCHES FROM THE LAPTOP FROM HELL: Listen: The moment Hunter Biden says his father will do anything he tells him to.

Hunter Biden recorded himself boasting that his father will adopt political positions at his command, footage obtained from a copy of his abandoned laptop shows.

“He’ll talk about anything that I want him to, that he believes in,” Biden said in reference to his father, Joe Biden, in the Dec. 3, 2018, recording. “If I say it’s important to me, then he will work a way in which to make it a part of his platform. My dad respects me more than he respects anyone in the world, and I know that to be certain, so it’s not going to be about whether it affects his politics.”

“All those fears you think that I have of people not liking me or that I don’t love myself … I don’t fear that. You know why I don’t fear that? Because the man I most admire in the world, that god to me, thinks I’m a god,” Hunter Biden added in the 77-minute recording, which was taped about five months before Joe Biden launched his successful 2020 presidential campaign in late April 2019. “And my brother did, too. And the three of us, it was literally — I had the support to know I can do anything.”

Exit question: “Is Hunter Biden calling the shots in the White House? Someone is. Joe Biden has many times intimated that he is not the one who is doing so and that he knows this. ”

Related: Joe Biden issues official proclamation ahead of World Elder Abuse Awareness Day and the jokes write themselves.