5G IS A JOKE AND THE IPHONE IS THE WELL-TIMED PUNCHLINE: Apple may have been late to the 5G party but the party was lame anyway. “None of this is to say that 5G isn’t a vague improvement. It’s definitely a vague improvement. Technology plods ever forward, lumbering toward the future like a rough-hewn golem fashioned of so many half-baked dreams. The point is that Apple ‘missed’ absolutely nothing. In fact, it probably gained by not forcing battery-hungry modems on users before they could even make use of them. Even if 5G had turned out to be the game-changing real deal those who eat up carrier marketing materials like monkeys eat up monkey chow believed, there was no cost to not shipping a 5G phone in 2018 or even 2019. Apple’s definitely been behind the curve before (see: DVD-RAM drives and CD burners) and it’ll probably happen again. But it wasn’t 5G.”