GET OUT OF YOUR CAR AND CUT OFF YOUR SLAUSON: Tennessee Man Leading Police Chase Severed His Penis. “If he made the dissecting decision amid fleeing the fuzz, it’s unclear how he thought it might have helped. Perhaps he felt the vehicle was sluggish, and he needed to cut weight. Or maybe he was already crafting an insanity plea. Either way, it was an extraordinary feat — especially if the Honda is a stick shift.”

(Classical reference in headline.)