SAVE UP FOR CNN’S MOST FUN DAY EVER! “News item: CNN’s ratings for its ‘town hall’ meetings with Democratic candidates are in the tank… So what does CNN propose as a sequel? How about a seven-hour town hall with the Democratic candidates on—wait for it!—climate change! That’s practically a telethon!”

Sorry, it’s not a real telethon until they start importing holograms of Jerry Lewis, Frank Sinatra, and Dean Martin (and holographic cigarette smoke, to boot, but that might interfere with the “save the climate” spiel).