THE NEW YORK TIMES MORPHED INTO THE ONION SO SLOWLY, I HARDLY EVEN NOTICED: “Want to Be Happy? Buy More Takeout and Hire a Maid, Study Suggests,” a Times headline that went up on Thursday actually says.

But I thought the road to happiness was to reduce our consumption to zero — how can the Times retroactively trash that “No Impact” “Year Without Toilet Paper” Fifth Avenue couple they glowingly profiled a decade ago?

(Or as I like to call such a lifestyle: Venezuela.)