CABLE NEWS LOSES ITS MIND OVER THE TERROR OF THE #DEATHBALLOON!

If you guys don’t know to be panicked and screamey, a missile-sensor balloon with a long trailing antenna got free, and Shep “Sensationalist” Smith is trying to make it sound like aerial Armageddon.

He insisted “It doesn’t work!” despite having never heard of this missile-detection system before. All we know is that the anchor failed. But Shep is in screaming and hysteria mode.

This is a real quote. He noted that the long cable trailing the balloon had hit a transmission tower, and knocked out local power. Then he said, and remember, I’m not joking about this, “It’s all fun and games to talk about power outages, but what happens when it crosses a baby carriage?!”

Or words to that effect. “Baby carriage” was in the mix, there.

Always eager for a Car Chase or a Superdome Slaughter Cannibal-a-rama, Shep Smith is beclowning himself about the #DEATHBALLOON that has come to kill us all.

CNN’s Wolf Blitzer wasn’t doing much better keeping his own bladder in check:

CNN’s Wolf Blitzer had the channel’s Pentagon correspondent Barbara Starr analyze how the blimp could be brought down, whether the United States’ military would have to shoot it — and if or when — that time would come.

“We’ll stay on top of this very disturbing story. And we’ve never seen anything like this in the United States before,” Blitzer said. “Hopefully they’ll be able to bring that blimp down peacefully in an unpopulated area — some field somewhere. We’ll see what they can do.”

“We’ve never seen anything like this in the United States before!” Wait’ll somebody informs Wolf about the Hindenburg.

Update: “#DEATHBALLOON is extremely low energy. @smod2016 knows how to get things done.”