YEAH? THIS IS MY SHOCKED FACE!  FISA Abuse Goes Beyond Carter Page Case.

I’M SORRY. ARE THE PEOPLE OF VERMONT ALL OUT OF MIDDLE FINGERS?  Vermont Says Target And Costco Sales Of Clothes, Toys, And Beauty Supplies Is Non-Essential.

PREDICTION: RUSSIA WILL LOSE.

Trump seems to understand economic warfare.

THE GRUMPY ECONOMIST: Beyond testing — The central question for pandemic policy. “Reproductive rate is not a low number plus a few super spreaders. It is a distribution with a very fat tail. The report seems to personalize the super spreaders as particularly ill behaved people. They are more likely normal people who participated in a particularly poorly structured activity, like the famous South Korean church.”

And some seem to be biologically predisposed to be super-infectious, again through no fault of their own.

ANSWERING THE IMPORTANT QUESTIONS: PHOTOS: Does Governor Andrew Cuomo Have Pierced Nipples?

MY ADVICE JUST NOW TO THE INSTADAUGHTER, WHO IS SHELTERING IN PLACE AT A SECURE, UNDISCLOSED LOCATION: “Stay safe. This will be over and life will go on, but what you do for the next few weeks is for all the marbles. Stay on it 100%.”

It’s my advice for you, too.

RISK THRESHOLDS: Your Gym Is Closed, but Ruth Bader Ginsburg Still Gets to Work Out at SCOTUS Gym Because She ‘Ain’t Having It.’

IF THEY CAN CHEAT, THEY WILL CHEAT:

SEEN ON FACEBOOK:

RIP: Farewell, Mrs. T. “Hilary Teachout, the muse of her writer husband, and the joy of his life, has died.”

THIS IS OBVIOUSLY HORRIBLE ADVICE BECAUSE REASONS: Don’t Nag Your Husband During Lockdown, Malaysia’s Government Advises Women.

ADVICE ON MANAGING Information Overload and Anxiety. I’m fortunate to possess a sanguine temperament, but even I have to set the world aside for a while every day.

THE THIN BLUE CHECKOUT LINE. Kindness during coronavirus: Boston police officer buys groceries for single mom in need.

ANDREW CUOMO: ‘Four fifths of coronavirus patients who need ventilators will end up dead.’ “Governor Cuomo said: (The New York coronavirus death toll) is people who have been on a ventilator for a period of time. ‘If you go on a ventilator there is only a 20% chance you will come off it.’”

So why’s he making such a big deal about ventilators?

THE GRAUNIAD IS ASKING — AND ANSWERING — THE IMPORTANT QUESTIONS. Polyamory in a pandemic: who do you quarantine with when you’re not monogamous?

SORRY, WE SHOULD ONLY BAIL OUT ESSENTIAL INDUSTRIES: Advertising Karma Hits Corporate Media and the New York Times Calls for Bailout. The Media Matters / Sleeping Giants blocklists are just another spread of torpedoes that circled back around. A rational movement might start thinking about why that keeps happening. . . .

OPEN THREAD: Maintain social distancing.

HOW LOW CAN UVA GO? UVA Deciding Whether To Force Student To Withdraw From Law School Because Her National Guard Unit Was Called Up.

When it comes to scoring public relations points off of the troops, UVA Law is right in there. But when it comes to actually supporting the troops during a national emergency, the administration pops its proverbial collar and looks the other way.

Disgraceful any time, and unforgivable in a time of national crisis.

Advice to UVA Law: There is no winning here, there are only degrees of losing. The longer you dig in your heels on this position, the greater the degree of losing.

Petition can be found here.

ENEMIES OF THE PEOPLE: The Media’s Hatred Of Trump Is Endangering Lives: The news media’s disdain for Trump has always led to reporting that is misleading, but during a pandemic it can also be deadly.

BIG PIMPING:

One reason American parents—mothers mainly—are rushing their daughters onto the Pill or LARC implants (long-acting reversible contraceptives) is to make sure their offspring are not punished with babies in high school. “I can’t possibly stop her from doing what comes naturally, but I can temporarily sterilize her.”

The schools do their part by forcing children into mandatory early sex education classes that often include graphic illustrations of sexual positions and expose even kindergarteners to the infinite array of gender variants and sexual orientations newly discovered in the human genome.

Condom demonstrations on bananas? That’s so 1999.

High school sophomores now know how to prepare each other’s rectums for “safe anal play,” which is pitched as a zesty, natural activity for all genders. In 2019, California approved a terrifying, dystopian new statewide curriculum that includes a seventh-grade lesson that “identified sexual activities such as bathing together and mutual masturbation as safe options to avoid sexually transmitted diseases.”

Whew! I don’t know about you, but I’m always relieved when I finish preparing some organic, gluten free, plant-based after-school snacks and discover my sixth-grade daughter in the bath with her classmates! Because, you know, it’s much harder to transmit chlamydia in water than through intercourse. Bless you, Governor Newsom!

When it comes to sex ed, I live by a very simple rule: if an adult who is not our pediatrician tries to talk to my child about their genitals, this person’s kneecaps should expect to meet my crowbar. Normal adults do not wish to talk about children’s genitals or discuss children having sex with children in front of other children. Everyone knows only priests can do that!

Read the whole thing. Even before March resembled outtakes from The Andromeda Strain, the 21st century was not turning out as I had hoped, to coin an Instaphrase.

RIDE THE MAO ZEDONG MOBIUS LOOP! Chinese propaganda is now citing US journalists’ and Democrats’ coronavirus rhetoric.

IT’S TIME TO FULLY RECOGNIZE THEM: Taiwan to Donate Ten Million Masks to U.S., E.U.

RIP: Adam Schlesinger dies of coronavirus complications at 52. “His Oscar nomination in 1997 was for co-writing the theme song for the Tom Hanks-directed film ‘That Thing You Do!,’ one of his first successful forays outside the realm of his own music-making with Fountains of Wayne. He was also nominated for a Golden Globe at that time. Fountains of Wayne, the band he co-founded with Chris Collingwood, earned two Grammy nominations in 2003, for best new artist (many years after the band’s actual recording debut) and for best pop performance by a group for the Top 40 single ‘Stacy’s Mom,’ a cheeky MTV staple that became the band’s biggest hit. His lone Grammy win, though, came for best comedy album for his work on ‘A Stephen Colbert Christmas.’”

RTFM: SpaceX unveils users’ guide for giant Starship rocket.

FEMINISM AND NARCISSISM HAVE A LOT OF OVERLAP: The Coronavirus Is A Disaster For Everyone But Feminists Are Trying To Make It About Themselves. Sure, more men than women die from it, but women are the real victims because reasons. Tedious, unpersuasive, ultimatly idiotic reasons: “Lewis seems to be demanding that we pity the wife for suffering disproportionately to her husband, who is now alone for weeks on end, removed from the entirety of his family as he fights on the front lines of this deadly disease that also kills men in greater numbers. And yet, Lewis seems to imply, this is a time for us to focus on the sexism of it all.”

Feminists don’t have anything to contribute beyond self-centered complaining. So that’s what they contribute.