YES. NEXT QUESTION? Should Yellow Lights Last Longer?

AT AMAZON, save in Arts, Crafts, and Sewing.

Plus, Fall Deals in Home Improvement.

FLORIDA MAN FRIDAY: The Naked Noodle Bongo Break-In.

IN SOVIET AMERICA, BANK ROBS YOU! Bank teller accused of attacking customer in home invasion: “Police in Maryland have arrested a bank teller accused of a home invasion of a customer who had recently withdrawn a large sum of money. The Harford County Sheriff’s Office said 19-year-old Nathan Michael Newell attacked a 78-year-old man and his stepdaughter Monday around 8:30 p.m. inside a Bel Air home. He got away but was arrested at the bank on Wednesday.”

THAT’S DIFFERENT BECAUSE SHUT UP: Flashback: Obama Fired All Bush Appointed Ambassadors In 2008.

YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO THINK THAT: Twitter Has Suspended Several Accounts Responsible For Spreading “I Hired Donald Trump To Fire People Like Yovanovitch”.

2006 CALLED: Motorola’s New Razr Proves That Flip Phones Can Be Cool in 2019. “Ironically, this nostalgia-baiting flip phone is the newest, most inventive phone design that’s been mass marketed in the States in quite a long time.”

FLASHBACK: Raving Lunacy: Joe Biden’s RAVE Act.

GOOD: Colorado’s Large-Capacity Magazine Ban Is a Colossal Failure.

BLITZED: Senior Trump Adviser Kellyanne Conway Absolutely Destroyed CNN’s Wolf Blitzer On-Air.

AT AMAZON, save on Comics & Graphic Novels.

PETITION FOR REDRESS OF IMAGINARY GRIEVANCES: Handmaids Protest Kavanaugh FedSoc Event, Play Blasey Ford Speech on Jumbotron.

I can’t imagine even her supporters would want to listen to that speech at any volume.

SKYNET SMILES: A Method For Self-Supervised Robotic Learning.

GUILTY ON ALL COUNTS: Roger Stone, longtime Trump confidant, convicted of lying, obstruction, and intimidation. “Stone, 67, now faces up to 50 years in prison, a maximum of 20 alone for the most serious charge. Judge Amy Berman Jackson, who has presided over the case since January, will hand down Stone’s sentence in February.”

Related: Trump tweets about Roger Stone’s conviction, calls it a ‘double standard.’

Hey that 2020 election battlefield doesn’t prepare itself, you know.

DISPATCHES FROM THE NATIONAL FELONS LEAGUE: Browns’ Myles Garrett Ejected After Hitting Steelers QB Mason Rudolph in Head with Rudolph’s Helmet.

Pro Football Talk asks on Twitter, “Colin Kaepernick forfeited his NFL career for engaging in peaceful protest; should Myles Garrett forfeit his NFL career for engaging in behavior that could have seriously injured or killed Mason Rudolph?”

UPDATE: Browns’ Myles Garrett suspended indefinitely; Steelers’ Maurkice Pouncey gets 3-game ban. “Garrett will not play again this season, and maybe longer.The NFL announced Friday that the Cleveland Browns defensive end has been suspended for the rest of this season, including the playoffs should the Browns make it, and will have to meet with the commissioner’s office before being reinstated in 2020.”

Exit question, from Reason TV’s Remy:

(Updated And Bumped.)

SOCIAL MEDIA UPHEAVAL: The Paradox Of Viral Outrage: Shaming Breeds More Outrage, But Also Sympathy.

You could write a book on this stuff.

INVESTIGATE ALL THE THINGS! Congress doesn’t get to have all the fun today. Six(!) Ohio universities have called in the FBI to investigate stickers, graffiti, or other offensive postings. The Kekistani culprit at Western Connecticut appears to remain at large despite FBI involvement. George Washington University is investigating Snapchats all on its own, though, so it’s possible that the FBI is running out of agents to throw at the national crisis of people saying stuff other people don’t like.

ENDORSED: Airport Revenues Soar After Allowing Travelers To Pay To Turn Off CNN.

It’s from the Babylon Bee, but this is perhaps their only piece of satire that will never become reality. Or as 1984’s Winston Smith said when he escaped the filth of Airstrip One for the spotlessly clean apartment of O’Brien, an Inner Party member, with Oceania’s ubiquitous two-way telescreen in his spacious main room:

As O’Brien passed the telescreen a thought seemed to strike him. He stopped, turned aside and pressed a switch on the wall. There was a sharp snap. The voice had stopped.

Julia uttered a tiny sound, a sort of squeak of surprise. Even in the midst of his panic, Winston was too much taken aback to be able to hold his tongue.

‘You can turn it off!’ he said.

‘Yes,’ said O’Brien, ‘we can turn it off. We have that privilege.’

The Outer Party and proles are not granted such privileges.

BECAUSE OF COURSE: SPLC Targets Franklin Graham for ‘Hate Group’ Speech.

BACK AND TO THE LEFT. BACK AND TO THE LEFT: Seattle’s Course: Harder Left. The progressive-socialist coalition tightens its grip on the city council.

WHEN NARRATIVES FAIL: Breaking: White House Releases Transcript of April Ukraine Call, Shows No Pre-Conditions for Meeting. “Testimony from the Democrats’ witnesses has suggested that a White House meeting was predicated on Zelensky making a public anti-corruption statement, which many saw as part of the so-called quid pro quo.” Of course, the Democrats’ witnesses weren’t on the call, and were reporting hearsay piled on hearsay.

I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER WORD ABOUT GLENN REYNOLDS’ CARBON FOOTPRINT: Arnold Schwarzenegger Terminates Any Possibility He’s Serious About Climate Change.

THIS IS A BIG DEAL BUT WON’T GET A LOT OF PRESS: White House unveils rules requiring online disclosure of hospital prices. “One regulation would require hospitals to provide a consumer-friendly online page where prices are listed for 300 common procedures like x-rays and lab tests. A second regulation would require insurers to provide an online tool where people could compare their out-of-pocket costs at different medical providers before receiving treatment.”

I TAKE CREATINE AS A BODYBUILDING SUPPLEMENT, SO COOL: Creatine powers T cells’ fight against cancer.