KING OF COMEDY UPDATE: Judge rules to unseal court records in Jussie Smollett case.

(Classical reference in headline.)

CANCEL CULTURE COMES FOR KYLE KASHUV: Alt-Right, Woke Left Join Forces to Cancel Kyle Kashuv for Past Comments He Regrets. “What Kashuv said was indeed horrible, and well-worth criticizing. But his claim that he is no longer the same person who made those remarks is quite plausible. Teenagers’ ideas, personalities, and viewpoints are constantly in flux. Learning right from wrong is part of growing up, and our society is far too unforgiving of kids who made mistakes that they regret. Alas, technology now makes it possible to keep a record of every bad thing an imperfect teenager says. People on both the left and the right should probably be a little less eager to put kids on pedestals and anoint them as leaders of political movements.”

NOT TOO SHOCKING: Our Long-Term 2018 Honda Accord Provided Us with 40,000 Miles of Satisfaction. Though to be honest, any car should do that nowadays.

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Plus, save on bestsellers in Health and Household.

MORE ON THE END OF MAY:  June 7 is just around the corner.

YOU’LL NEVER GUESS: Remember The Judge Who Wouldn’t Block House Subpoena for Trump’s Financial Records? Guess Who He’s Donated To.

DISPATCHES FROM THE EDUCATION APOCALYPSE: Segregation Is Thriving on the Left.

This history is compelling. But what’s most distressing is where this is all heading—and why. Segregation is likely to increase on colleges campuses (these are my thoughts, not those of the study’s authors) because it’s the only possible end product of today’s activist left. Specifically, the proliferation of safe spaces and the dominance of identity politics (core aspects of the campus-leftist agenda) must end in segregation. Safe spaces are created by separating out unwanted elements. Identity politics, by definition, emphasizes group differences over similarities. Inevitably, when you have the two enjoined in an unholy alliance on campuses across the country, you’re going to get the separation of people according to their group differences.

Related: Governor Losing Candidate Stacey Abrams: ‘Identity Politics Is Exactly Who We Are and Exactly How We Won.’

HOW DARE YOU MOVE THE DEPARTMENT OF AGRICULTURE OUT TO HICKSVILLE! USDA staffers quit en masse as Trump administration eyes moving offices out of DC. “Federal employees at the Economic Research Service (ERS) and the National Institute of Food and Agriculture (NIFA) – two small but important agencies within the USDA – are unhappy with Perdue’s plan, announced last August, to move the majority of their staff from current offices in the capital to an area closer the country’s agricultural centers.”

We should move most of the bureaucracy out of the DC area. Maybe they’ll be more willing to move when we ban air conditioning in the District.

WELL, GOOD: Aspirin unlikely to cause more brain bleeds for stroke patients.

PRIVACY: Snapchat Employees Abused Data Access to Spy on Users. “Multiple sources and emails also describe SnapLion, an internal tool used by various departments to access Snapchat user data.”

I DON’T THINK MANY PEOPLE WILL WANT TO SEE THESE AT THEIR FRONT DOOR: Ford Self-Driving Vans Will Use Legged Robots to Make Deliveries.

DECOUPLING: Microsoft Pulls Huawei Products From One of Its Cloud Server Catalogs.

JERRY NADLER (D-NY), 71, NEARLY PASSES OUT AT MANHATTAN PRESS CONFERENCE: “When Mayor de Blasio asks Nadler if he is OK, Nadler can be heard responding with a faint ‘no’ before putting his hand over his face.”

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COME WITH ME IF YOU WANT TO LIVE AGAIN: Linda Hamilton Returns as Sarah Connor for ‘Terminator: Dark Fate.’

She looks amazing, and the picture looks like it might be a return to form after the disappointment of the last two movies.

AN INTERVIEW WITH S.M. STIRLING, about his new book, Theater of Spies.

NEW SOCIALIST “IT GIRL” CONTINUES TO PAY DIVIDENDS: ‘It’s Just The Weather.’ Meteorologist Fact-Checks Ocasio-Cortez On Climate Change.

WHEN OCD TURNS TO CRIME: Someone breaks into home, takes nothing, gives it good scrub.

EASILY BELIEVABLE: IQ rates are dropping in many developed countries and that doesn’t bode well for humanity. I blame social media.

EVERYTHING IS PROBLEMATICAL: Weight Watchers Removes “Weird Al” Statue After Controversy.

Weight Watchers has officially removed the statue of “Weird” Al Yankovic from its corporate headquarters in Manhattan and will no longer play Yankovic’s “Now That’s What I Call Polka!” in their television commercials, the organization announced in a statement on Monday.

This follows last week’s decision by Jenny Craig to suspend the use of Yankovic’s rendition of “Dare To Be Stupid” in their latest exercise video release “Let’s Lose It 2019!” while they investigate an allegation of sizeism against the singer.

The statue of Yankovic in front of the Weight Watchers Madison Avenue office was first covered and then removed.

Channel 8’s RJ Fletcher reported Thursday there are conflicting claims about Yankovic’s 1988 song “I’m Fat.” Some say the song was a parody of a pop song and was considered satire, but has also been said that Yankovic, a vegan, hates obese people.

It’s a funny song, the video was quite clever, and so who cares why he wrote it?

BLOWS AGAINST THE EMPIRE: CROSSFIT, INC. SUSPENDS USE OF FACEBOOK AND ASSOCIATED PROPERTIES.

Recently, Facebook deleted without warning or explanation the Banting7DayMealPlan user group. The group has 1.65 million users who post testimonials and other information regarding the efficacy of a low-carbohydrate, high-fat diet. While the site has subsequently been reinstated (also without warning or explanation), Facebook’s action should give any serious person reason to pause, especially those of us engaged in activities contrary to prevailing opinion.

Facebook and its properties host and oversee a significant share of the marketplace of public thought. To millions of individuals and communities across the world, Facebook and its properties remain the platforms where ideas and information are exchanged. Facebook thus serves as a de facto authority over the public square, arbitrating a worldwide exchange of information as well as overseeing the security of the individuals and communities who entrust their ideas, work, and private data to this platform. This mandates a certain responsibility and assurance of good faith, transparency, and due process.

CrossFit, Inc., as a voluntary user of and contributor to this marketplace, can and must remove itself from this particular manifestation of the public square when it becomes clear that such responsibilities are betrayed or reneged upon to the detriment of our community. Common decency demands that we do so.

Boom.

“DEATH RECORDED:” Clinton, Gore advisor Naomi Wolf learns on air from her interviewer that “that the historical thesis of the book she’s there to promote is based on her misunderstanding a legal term.”

Personally, I believe it was all a setup by weather-controlling Big Chocolate, likely in collusion with Sarah ‘Evita’ Palin and the Rovian Police State.

Exit Question: From ISIS to Ebola, What Has Made Naomi Wolf So Paranoid?

RAND SIMBERG: Back to the Moon, this time to stay.

YES: Continuing plunge of CNN, MSNBC ratings reveals that fake news is a bad business strategy.

John Nolte of Breitbart points out that the unmasking of the Russia Hoax is only the latest example of fake news purveyed by both progressive cable networks (as well as most of the MSM). He lists the fake news frauds of recent memory:

• George Zimmerman: White Racist Killer
• Hands Up, Don’t Shoot
• Trump Can’t Win
• Brett Kavanaugh: Serial Rapist
• The KKKids from KKKovington High School
• Trump Colluded with Russia

To that list must be added the incredible on-air promotion of Michael Avenatti, just indicted for stealing hundreds of thousands of dollars from his client Stormy Daniels, adding to his existing indictments in New York and Los Angeles for attempting to shake down Nike.

Heckuva job.