UDDER MADNESS: The Green New Deal’s War on Cows.

Where is Gary Larson when you need him?

I loved Calvin and Hobbes, Peanuts, Dilbert, and Bloom County, but I was in awe of The Far Side. Larson could do more in one panel — daily — than the best often did in three. And he was weird, and I like weird (you’d know that if you could see what I’m wearing right now).

Anyway, I could write about Larson all day long, so long as the armadillo I have under my breastplate doesn’t need to go to the bathroom. But I should get to the point.

Larson loved cows, and he made them into cultural things like no one before. “I’ve always thought the word ‘cow’ was funny,” Larson once said. “And cows are sort of tragic figures. Cows blur the line between tragedy and humor.”

And that’s why we need him now.

Contained within the FAQ for the Green New Deal is one of the greatest sentences ever written with the intention of being taken very, very seriously:

We set a goal to get to net-zero, rather than zero emissions, in 10 years because we aren’t sure that we’ll be able to fully get rid of farting cows and airplanes that fast.

I love this sentence so much I want to stand outside its house holding up a boom box blasting Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes.”

Heh. Read the whole thing.

SETH BARRETT TILLMAN: Remembering Eddie Murphy’s ‘White Like Me.’

#BELIEVEALLWOMEN: Second Woman Accuses Virginia Lt. Gov. Justin Fairfax of Sexual Assault.

NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE INDIAN OCEAN SLAVE TRADE BECAUSE EUROPEANS WEREN’T INVOLVED: Understanding Modern African Horrors by Way of the Indian Ocean Slave Trade.

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ALSO A CLOWN SHOW: Gillibrand Cancels South Carolina Campaign Event Less Than 30 Minutes Before Start Time. Tweeted AP reporter Meg Kinnard, “This comes as no real surprise to me, because @SenGillibrand’s campaign strategy has stood in stark contrast to other candidates. . . . Mainly in that she doesn’t seem to have one.”

VIRGINIA CLOWN SHOW UPDATE: Lt. Gov. Fairfax “will not resign” following second sexual assault allegation.

More clown show:

Plus:

Well, someone has:

YOUR DAILY TREACHER: Could We Please Stop Comparing Everything to Hitler?

Featuring on the left, Cory Booker, who looks at AOC’s GND and says, “when the planet has been imperiled in the past, who came forward to save Earth from the scourge of Nazi and totalitarian regimes? We came forward!” And on the right, “Turning Point USA’s Candace Owens [who was] speaking in London recently. She was asked for her opinion on nationalism, and… Well, just listen:”

“Whenever we say ‘nationalism,’ the first thing people think about, at least in America, is Hitler. He was a National Socialist. But if Hitler just wanted to make Germany great and have things run well, okay, fine. The problem is that he had dreams outside of Germany. He wanted to globalize. He wanted everybody to be German, everybody to be speaking German, everybody to look a different way. That’s not, to me, that’s not nationalism… I have no problems with nationalism. It’s globalism that I try to avoid.”

This week’s American edition of the London Spectator features a profile of Turning Point USA, with a photo atop the article of Charlie Kirk and Candace Owens in “Socialism Sucks” T-shirts. Doesn’t Owens believe that the ideology that called itself the National-Sozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei took the S-portion of their name seriously?

Or as Roger De Bris said in Mel Brooks’ The Producers, after reading the screenplay for “Springtime for Hitler,” “A stunning piece of work. Did you know, I never knew that the Third Reich meant Germany. I mean it’s just drenched with historical goodies like that!”

Related: “Throwing disabled people, leftists, and Jews in camps? Sure, fine, whatever, but don’t you DARE invade Poland.”

RETRO MOTORS: What If Today’s Cars Were Designed Decades Ago? I like the 1936 Tesla Model S, but my fave is the 1956 BMW i8, which looks a lot better than today’s version.

BRYAN PRESTON: Has Beto Already Blown It? Here Are His Three Biggest Blunders.

LIFE UNDER LATE SOCIALISM: Lights Go Out on Maduro Twice During Press Conference and He Rips an Aide in Public.

SPACE: Startup Company Orbex Reveals Prime Rocket That Could Launch From The U.K. In 2021.

MORE FROM THE VIRGINIA CLOWN SHOW: Meredith Watson: 2nd Woman Accuses Justin Fairfax of Rape. “The lawyers say Watson shared the experience with friends but decided to come forward after Fairfax denied sexually assaulting Dr. Vanessa Tyson, a California professor who accused him of physically forcing her to perform oral sex on him while they attended the 2004 Democratic National Convention. The statement called on Fairfax to resign.”

I had heard rumors of a second accuser, but this isn’t the one I heard the rumors about.

UPDATE: I suppose Sarah Kliff will tell us it’s a “local crime story” about now:

ANOTHER UPDATE: More clown show news:

BUT WHY WOULD THEY LISTEN TO HIM?

● Shot: Billionaire liberal threatens to unload on Dems if they don’t impeach Trump. Tom Steyer is cranking up his pressure campaign to oust the president — and he has top Democrats in his sights.

—Headline and subhead, the Politico yesterday.

● Chaser: Off With Their Heads! Lefties Believe Billionaires Should Be ‘Eliminated.’

—Rick Moran, PJ Media today.

HIS POINT IS THAT HE’S A JOURNALIST, WHICH MEANS THAT ANYTHING THAT ADVANCES DEMOCRATS’ POLICIES IS GOOD:

Related: FDR’s policies prolonged Depression by 7 years, UCLA economists calculate. But they empowered all the right people, and cemented their position for decades.

ALL THE DEMOCRATS HAVE TO DO IS NOT BE CRAZY, AND THEY CAN’T EVEN DO THAT: Our Socialist Democratic Party.

Ask yourself: would any Democratic presidential primary contender in 2020 stand a ghost of a chance if he or she took a moderate stance on issues pertaining to race, gender (= abortion), or sexuality (= transgender rights)? Be honest. You can’t just wish these things away.

It’s true that the Republicans have a similar problem. Both parties are beholden to extreme partisans in their bases. But President Trump has his base onside. The conventional wisdom in 2016 was that the Republicans had nominated someone so extreme that he couldn’t possibly win. Yet he did. You watch: the Democrats are going to nominate someone so extreme on economics and culture that they’re going to ensure Trump’s re-election.

It is possible, of course, that the Dems could pull a Trump, and nominate some out-of-left-field candidate who manages to pull off a victory anyway, because enough people in the middle are so sick of Trump that they prefer to take a chance on the devil they don’t know. But I don’t see that as likely. In any case, the New York Times might believe that Trump is manufacturing a fake villain in “socialism,” but it’s pretty clear that he’s not.

As recently as the 2004 election, Ann Coulter quipped that “both parties run for office as conservatives. Once they have fooled the voters and are safely in office, Republicans sometimes double-cross the voters. Democrats always do.”

In January of 2008, the San Francisco Chronicle’s editors were smart enough (in a Machiavellian sense) to protect Obama when, as a candidate, in order to get to Hillary’s left, he openly proposed bankrupting coal plants. They understood their role as Democratic party activists with bylines meant burying Obama’s Kinsley-style gaffe rather than making it the lead headline on the front page.

But in rushing to endorse AOC’s “Green New Deal,” and in rushing to endorse Virginia Democrat Kathy Tran’s abortion absolutism, over the past two weeks, the mask has been ripped off the left. Remember it when the inevitable feint towards the center occurs late in the election cycle.

NEW CIVILITY WATCH: Off With Their Heads! Lefties Believe Billionaires Should Be ‘Eliminated.’

Define “eliminated,” please. As Rick Moran asks, “Are you ready for guillotines on the National Mall?”

Wouldn’t Bane-style walks on the thin ice serve as both a less bloody demise, and make for great b-roll footage for the Green New Deal PSAs?

TAMARA KEEL: Examining .44-Special Revolvers for Personal Defense.

YOU CAN’T SAVE THE BUGGY WHIP INDUSTRY: The Publisher Is Dead! Long Live Publishing!

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I REALLY HOPE THIS PANS OUT: Austin Tech Firm May Have Solved Drive-Thru Ordering Mishaps.

RIDING IT OUT? Northam Surrenders To GOP On Tax Cuts As WaPo Reports “Stronger Position.” “Part of the ‘stronger position’ comes from having the other two Democrats holding the state’s constitutional offices under a cloud of scandal at the same time. Democrats are trying mightily to draw distinctions between the three, especially between Northam and Herring.”

Having a severely wounded Dem governor remain in place might not be a bad outcome for Virginia Republicans.

SO THEY’RE OVERQUALIFIED FOR CONGRESS, THEN: Honey Bees Can Do Simple Math, After a Little Schooling.

CIVIL RIGHTS UPDATE: Sheriffs In New Mexico Stand Against Proposed Gun Laws.

29 out of 33 ain’t bad.