STOCK UP ON AA batteries from AmazonBasics.

STRANGE THAT NOBODY TRIED THIS BEFORE: Trump, Mattis turn military loose on ISIS, leaving terror caliphate in tatters.

WOMAN CONVICTED OF DISORDERLY CONDUCT for yelling at her teenager in her own home.

MY CHAKRA, MY CHOICE: TV host slut-shames woman who says she had sex with 20 ghosts.

That’s nice, but did she make it with a chandelier?

THOUGHTS ON THE STATE AND LOCAL TAX DEDUCTION.

AT AMAZON, Christmas savings on bestselling jewelry.

Plus, deals in Automotive Tools and Equipment.

I HAD MISSED THIS: Politico: How Trump Is Going After Hezbollah in America’s Backyard.

YOU DON’T SAY: NY Attorney General Warns of ‘Guns in Times Square on New Year’s Eve’ with Concealed Carry Reciprocity.

IN THE FUTURE, EVERYONE WILL BE NAPOLEON FOR 15 MINUTES: Love at First Light! Woman Gets Engaged to Her Chandelier: ‘I Love Kissing and Cuddling Lumiere.’

What Is Objectum Sexual (OS)?

Sometimes referred to as objectophilia, OS has to do with the attraction and commitment to inanimate objects and is thought to be related to the autism spectrum, an antisocial personality disorder, or past trauma.

However, Erika Eiffel, a San Francisco woman married to the Eiffel Tower, disagrees.

“OS people have a spectrum just as society does from one extreme to the next. It’s a misconception that OS people only love objects and cannot relate to people on any level,” she wrote in an interview with support group Objectum-Sexuality Internationale. “The reality is, most OS people are social but choose not to expose themselves to public scrutiny and jeopardize the balance they have established.”

Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer, 54, of Sweden is also known in the OS community for having married the Berlin Wall.

Well, it’s nice to see someone who loves lamp more than Brick Tamland of Anchorman, I guess. But the ghosts of the Weimar Republic just called and said, “Oy, and we thought we were meshugenah.”

21ST CENTURY RELATIONSHIPS: Woman Gets Engaged to Her Chandelier: ‘I Love Kissing and Cuddling Lumiere.’

HEADLINE OVERSELLS A BIT: Female aides said Franks suggested intercourse to impregnate them. Only here’s what the story actually says: “The sources said Franks approached two female staffers about acting as a potential surrogate for him and his wife, who has struggled with fertility issues for years. But the aides were concerned that Franks was asking to have sexual relations with them. It was not clear to the women whether he was asking about impregnating the women through sexual intercourse or in vitro fertilization.”

So it’s clear in the headline, but it wasn’t clear to the women. But I think I see where this is going. Still, how can you blame Franks? Democrats have been telling us nonstop that we live in The Handmaid’s Tale now; he was just taking them at their word and acting accordingly . . . .

UPDATE: Hey, he was offering $5 million. For that, I’d consider having his baby. I dunno, maybe I should be taking this more seriously, but it’s Friday afternoon and the news has gotten too weird even for me.

Or as someone else put it:

REVIEW: 2018 Volkswagen Golf Alltrack.

NOBODY TELL NOTORIOUS ROBOPHOBE MATTHEW YGLESIAS: 27 Percent of Millennials Would Date a Robot.

LATE-STAGE SOCIALISM: Venezuela’s chronic shortages give rise to ‘medical flea markets.’

In the middle of a market in the humid and sweltering city of Maracaibo, dozens of boxes full of medicines including antibiotics and pain killers are stacked on top of each other. The packaging is visibly deteriorated: The cases are discolored and some are even dirty.

Doctors warn these drugs — usually smuggled in from Colombia, a few hours’ drive from Maracaibo — pose risks.

“We’ve found that a lot of them have not been maintained at proper temperatures,” warned oncologist Jose Oberto, who leads the Zulia state’s doctors association.

Still, some Venezuelans feel they have no choice but to rely on contraband medicine.

“I had to buy medicine from Colombia, and it worried me because the label said ‘hospital use,'” said retiree Esledy Paez, 62.

But they are often prohibitively expensive for Venezuelans, many of whom earn just a handful of dollars a month at the black market rate due to soaring inflation.

Norkis Pabon struggled to find antibiotics for her hospitalized husband to prevent his foot injury from worsening due to diabetes.

Wreckers, hoarders, saboteurs, Trotskyites, kulaks, Yankee Imperialists, counterrevolutionaries, and (of course) Jews are to blame.

JOURNALISM: AN ENDLESS SERIES OF CLOWNS, STEPPING ON RAKES. CNN Gets Date Wrong, Claims Email Calling Attention to Public Information Was Secret Tipoff.

WELL-BUILT: NASA’s oldest Mars rover survives another harsh winter.

IT’S NOT OVER YET: Al Franken’s political career began with an apology to women. It ended without one.

He never actually felt sorry “that I had written ‘Porn-O-Rama’ or pitched that stupid Lesley Stahl joke at two in the morning,” Franken wrote years later in his book.

“I was just doing my job,” he wrote. “But running for office is a different job. When you run for office, you’re asking people to stand with you and work for you and believe in you. And you’re making a promise that it’ll be worth it. People had to know I understood that.”

Last month, nearly a decade after Franken’s strategic apology, a woman accused him of groping and forcibly kissing her in 2006. She was followed by another accuser, then another and another — eight women in total by Thursday.

Franken apologized without hesitation this time, but also without admitting anything, and always with qualifications.

“There are some women — and one is too many — who feel that I have done something disrespectful, and that’s hurt them, and for that I am tremendously sorry,” he told one interviewer.

“I am very sorry if these women experienced that,” he told another.

Many recoiled from these semi-apologies.

Franken hasn’t changed — and he hasn’t actually ended his political career, either.

FASTER, PLEASE: Researchers develop gel that could help save soldiers’ eyes.