INTRODUCING FLORIDA OPPOSSUM: Opossum breaks into liquor store, gets drunk on bourbon.

NIKKI HALEY DROPS THE MIC: Dear United Nations: We’re bailing on your “migration” plan. Love, The USA.

Faster, please.

FLORIDA MAN, CALL YOUR OFFICE: Cross-dressing Indianapolis man gets 80 years for ambush that injured two.

CHARITY FRAUD NETS EX-CONGRESSWOMAN FIVE YEARS IN PRISON: Former Rep. Corrine Brown, D-FL, was sentenced earlier today to five years in prison for what her judge described as “a crime born out of entitlement and greed.” Specifically, Brown raised an estimated $800,000 for a sham charity, according to the Tallahassee Democrat. She was convicted earlier this year on 18 of 22 charges that included tax fraud and lying on her congressional spending reports. She represented a Jacksonville district for 25 years. By comparison, the Clinton Foundation charity run by Bill and Hillary Clinton since 1997 raised more than $233 million in 2016 alone.

PERVNADO CLAIMS ANOTHER DEMOCRAT: California Assemblyman accused of forcing lobbyist into bathroom and masturbating. “Sacramento lobbyist Pamela Lopez has claimed that, in 2016, Democratic Assemblyman Matt Dababneh followed her into a bathroom, masturbated in front of her and urged her to touch him. Dababneh has strongly denied the allegation.”

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Plus, deals in Handbags and Shoes.

MY USA TODAY COLUMN: Charlottesville report tells us what happens when the police fail to do their job.

“INTEGRITY:” Anti-Trump text messages show pattern of bias on Mueller’s team.

CLAIM: IRS Losing $458 Billion a Year but Not Trying to Collect It.

I’d like to know exactly who is getting away with not paying their “fair share.”

WAR ON WOMEN UPDATE: Chelsea Handler: Sarah Huckabee Sanders a ‘Harlot,’ ‘Trolloped Out’ With ‘Summer Whore Lipstick All Over Her Face.’

According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary: “Definition of harlot: prostitute.”

Huh. I thought the left was pro-sex worker. Why is Handler maligning them by using these words as pejoratives against Sanders?

WHY ARE LEFTIES SO MEAN AND MISOGYNIST? Chelsea Handler Viciously Attacks Sarah Sanders, Says She Has ‘Whore Lipstick All Over Her Face.’

HEALTH: This everyday hygiene habit could reduce your risk of throat cancer by MORE THAN one-fifth, study finds.

Brushing your teeth could slash your risk of developing throat cancer by more than one-fifth, new research suggests.

Higher levels of certain bacteria that are linked to gum disease increase an individual’s likelihood of developing the condition by 21 percent, a US study found.

It is unclear whether it is the bacteria themselves or gum disease that leads to foodpipe tumors.

Researchers argue their findings highlight the importance of good oral hygiene, including brushing teeth twice a day and regular dentist visits, to maintain people’s dental health, as well as avoiding other health complications.

Brushing produces even better results if you’re hoping to kiss your significant other.

HIS “CRAZY” TWEETS: James Delingpole: Donald Trump Trolls Londonistan Like a Boss.

BUT THE NARRATIVE: The world’s astonishing dependence on fossil fuels hasn’t changed in 40 years.

There are few ways to understand why. First, most of the world’s clean-energy sources are used to generate electricity. But electricity forms only 25% of the world’s energy consumption. Second, as the rich world moved towards a cleaner energy mix, much of the poor world was just starting to gain access to modern forms of energy. Inevitably, they chose the cheapest option, which was and remains fossil fuels.

So yes, we’re using much more clean energy than we used to. But the world’s energy demand has grown so steeply that we’re also using a lot more fossil fuels than in the past.

“Dependence” is a terrible, perhaps even hateful word to describe poor people using the ready availability of cheap energy to help life themselves out of poverty.

OUTLOOK NOT SO GOOD: Can We Beat The Robots?

MERKEL’S GERMANY: Relatives of Berlin Christmas Market Victims Pen Angry Letter to Merkel.. “In the letter, they accuse Merkel of not taking the time to offer her personal condolences or writing them a letter.”

You can’t make al-Europe without breaking a few eggs.

AMERICAN HERO, ACTOR ADMITS THE EMPIRE DID NOTHING WRONG:

[Adam] Driver can make a passionate case for why Kylo Ren isn’t actually a villain at all.

“It’s not like people weren’t living on the Death Star,” he says, his brown eyes shifting from puppyish to fierce without warning. He seems almost in character now. “Isn’t that also an act of terrorism against the hundreds of thousands of people who died there? Did they not have families? I see how people can point to examples that make themselves feel they’re right. And when you feel in your bones that you’re supported by a higher power on top of that, and you’re morally right, there’s no limit to what you’ll do to make sure that you win. Both sides feel this way.”

You’re starting to talk me into joining the Empire, I say. He laughs and shifts his delivery one degree over the top. “So, the rebels are bad,” he says, connecting his fist with the table. “I strongly believe this!”

Because it’s the correct opinion. Particularly given that that neo-Confederate Rebellion was built on the backs of slaves.

CHANGE:

Full story here.

BEER COMPANIES LIKELY BIG WINNERS IN PROPOSED TAX PLAN.

Hey, gotta wash down those big slabs of medium rare hegemonic masculinity with something, right?

THIS IS MY SHOCKED FACE: Twitter Admits It Doesn’t Understand Its Own Policies, After Suspending PJ Media Terror Expert.

PROCUREMENT BLUES: Navy Doesn’t Have Enough Warships to Train Marines for Combat.

SHOCKING NEWS FROM THE WORLD OF SCIENCE: Serving wine in larger glasses encourages people to drink more.

THINK DIFFERENT™ (*VOID WHERE PROHIBITED): Apple’s Tim Cook ‘Proud’ to Work With China to Censor Internet.

DOES SAME-SEX MARRIAGE TRUMP THE FIRST FREEDOM IN THE FIRST AMENDMENT? That’s the essential question facing the U.S. Supreme Court as it deliberates in what quite possibly will become a landmark case. Remember the name: Masterpiece Cakeshop v Colorado Civil Rights Commission. The Court hears oral arguments Tuesday.

Jack Phillips, owner of the cakeshop, refused five years ago to design a wedding cake for a gay couple’s ceremony. An evangelical Christian, Phillips believes his creative participation in a process that violates his faith would make him a party to legitimizing sin. The bureaucrats at the commission ruled that protecting same-sex marriage is more important than upholding Philips’ exercise of the first freedom named in the First Amendment.

The case has occasioned a deluge of politically correct mis-information and mis-representation in the national media, as exemplified by this recent op-ed in the New York Times. I refer readers to NRO’s sage David French for the critical analysis there. One wonders how long before a Muslim man asks the Court to affirm his right to marry a nine-year-old girl.

In the meantime, the Alliance Defending Freedom – the evangelical legal defense group representing Philips – offers a collection of the key documents in the case, an overview of the facts that occasion the litigation, and a summary of the legal issues at stake. They just don’t come any more significant than this one.

UPDATE: George Will also gets the Masterpiece Cakeshop wrong, according to French.