VOTE ANDROID 2016: Chelsea Clinton babbles robotically about the Second Amendment and what her mother can do to it now that Scalia has died.

FRESH DEALS AT THE Amazon Mother’s Day Store.

Plus, Organize Your Office.

And check out the Spring Garden Event. An “event” is like a sale, only more, um, eventful!

THAT’S COOL: F-16 Used To Save The Life Of A Dying Patient.

WELL, THEY’RE ABSURDLY UNFAIR: Absurdity reigns in campus sexual assault trials.

LIFE UNDER THE LIGHTBRINGER: DOJ infecting Internet users with malware to track suspects.

NEWS YOU CAN USE: Five Best U.S. Airports for a Layover.

CHARLIE MARTIN: Dopey Reporting Is the Real Colorado GOP Delegate Story.

NEWS YOU CAN USE: How Steely Dan Composes A Song.

BACK IN BLACK: Fake-Black Activist Rachel Dolezal.

MICHAEL LEDEEN: Once We Had Some Muslim Friends — Leave it to Obama to alienate the proverbial Arab Street.

“BOWS TO?” HALF THE TIME OR MORE IT’S IN CAHOOTS WITH THEM: The EPA Bows To Activists.

AT AMAZON, it’s the Spring Office Event.

Plus, deals in Toys & Games.

HEH:

LIFE IN THE ERA OF HOPE AND CHANGE: U.S. Suicide Rate Surges to a 30-Year High.

“It’s really stunning to see such a large increase in suicide rates affecting virtually every age group,” said Katherine Hempstead, senior adviser for health care at the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, who has identified a link between suicides in middle age and rising rates of distress about jobs and personal finances. . . .

The rate declined for just one racial group: black men. And it declined for only one age group: men and women over 75. The data analysis provided fresh evidence of suffering among white Americans. Recent research has highlighted the plight of less educated whites, showing surges in deaths from drug overdoses, suicides, liver disease and alcohol poisoning, particularly among those with a high school education or less. The new report did not break down suicide rates by education, but researchers who reviewed the analysis said the patterns in age and race were consistent with that recent research and painted a picture of desperation for many in American society.

“This is part of the larger emerging pattern of evidence of the links between poverty, hopelessness and health,” said Robert D. Putnam, a professor of public policy at Harvard and the author of “Our Kids,” an investigation of new class divisions in America.

This must be more of that “White Privilege” I’m always hearing about.

WITH EVERY MISTAKE, WE MUST SURELY BE LEARNING: Hillary Clinton Has No Regrets About Libya.

FASTER, PLEASE: First gene therapy successful against human aging.

IT’S NOT SOCIAL MEDIA, IT’S BIOLOGY: Why Do Girls Have More Anxiety Than Boys?

WHEN VICTIMS AREN’T VICTIMS: “The suspect then attempted to carjack two additional victims, however the final intended victim produced a handgun and pointed it at the suspect and the suspect fled on foot southbound on Coit Road.”

AS GOD IS MY WITNESS, I THOUGHT HUMMERS COULD FLY: Botched Airdrop Sends Humvees Plummeting To Their Doom.

AT AMAZON, deep discounts on Open-Box and Used Tools.

WELL, GET CRACKING BECAUSE I’M NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER: We Still Haven’t Found a Fountain of Youth in Our DNA: Study of exceptionally healthy old people fails to trace their well-being to specific genes.

WELL, THAT’S A PROBLEM: Tesla Model X owners finding car doors won’t shut, windows won’t close.

SALON’S H.A. GOODMAN: It’s not over until the FBI clears Hillary Clinton— which it absolutely shouldn’t.

When you’re a scandal-plagued Democrat and you’ve lost Salon…

MY USA TODAY COLUMN: The socialist utopias of Sanders’ dreams bear little resemblance to reality across the Atlantic.

PULITZER PRIZE BOSS BOOTS JUDICIAL WATCH OUT OF CONTEST: Judicial Watch, the conservative non-profit government watchdog, has broken multiple major stories in the Hillary Clinton email and Benghazi terrorist attack scandals, but that doesn’t count, according to the administrator of journalism’s most sought-after award.

“Does the Pulitzer Prize have one standard for liberal non-profits that engage in journalism and a different one for conservative non-profits that also engage in journalism?” Judicial Watch President Tom Fitton asked Pulitzer Prize Administrator Mike Pride in a March 14, 2016, email obtained by The Daily Caller News Foundation Investigative Group.

Pride had claimed Judicial Watch is ineligible for the journalism award because it is a foundation devoted to “advocacy.” He apparently has not heard of groups like Inside Climate News, Pro Publica and Center for Public Integrity, which, like Judicial Watch, are 501(c)(3) foundations doing investigative journalism. Judges for the Pulitzer Prize have previously recognized Pro Publica with the award.

As it happens, Judicial Watch, which will be deposing former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and several of her closest aides in the near future, employees Micah Morrison, formerly of the Wall Street Journal, and Lisette Garcia, formerly of the Los Angeles Times. Between them, they’ve been nominated for Pulitzers six times.

There is one huge difference between Judicial Watch and groups like Pro Publica, but it has nothing to do with advocacy. Judicial Watch combines veterans journalists like Morrison and Garcia with an aggressive staff of experienced attorneys who understand how to wield the Freedom of Information Act to force federal officials to cough up documents they would much prefer to keep behind closed doors.

Judging by the results, Judicial Watch may have demonstrated the model for the future of hard-hitting investigative journalism that puts the fear of God in the hearts of government officials who would otherwise continue their nefarious ways.