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OBAMACARE’S CHICKENS COME HOME TO ROOST: Bumped.

NEWS YOU CAN USE: From the Sumerians to Shakespeare to Twain: why fart jokes never get old.

K-12 IMPLOSION UPDATE: Student Suspended For Extra Chicken Nugget. But there’s a happy ending:

Justice has been served for a Farragut High School student after his suspension for buying an extra chicken nugget in the lunch line was overturned.

Carson Koller received the one-day suspension on Monday for buying the extra nugget.

Koller — a senior, Eagle Scout and the captain of the band’s drum line — was suspended for theft of property after he took six chicken nuggets from the lunch line instead of the usual five, to his mother’s outrage.

“How is it theft if he paid for it?” Koller’s mother, Carrie Koller Waller, wrote in a Facebook post. “It’s food. FOOD!!! Not weapons. Not drugs. Not alcohol. Not cheating on a test. … I am shaking my head over this and not sure what to do. Laugh, punish, argue, dress him up as a nugget bandit, or let it go.”

The suspension was rescinded on Tuesday morning after Waller sent a letter to several school administrators and spoke to Farragut Principal Ryan Siebe on the phone.

But who thought suspending someone over a chicken nugget was a good idea to begin with?

CHAOTIC INTERNAL CLIMATE: For a change The Guardian isn’t moaning about global warming/climate change. The climate chaos is within the FBI.

Current and former FBI officials…have described a chaotic internal climate that resulted from outrage over director James Comey’s July decision not to recommend an indictment over Clinton’s maintenance of a private email server on which classified information transited.

Well, his decision outraged me. In July I wrote that Comey sold out the rule of law. And he did. I assuaged my chaotic internal climate with Manhattans. Yes, “assuaged,” not “assanged.” I’m guessing that the verb “to assange” means “to leak.” These current and former FBI officials are assanging rather than assuaging. But hey guys, the drinks are on Stephen Green.

GOOD TO KNOW! A Post-Workout Beer Isn’t Going to Hurt Your Efforts in the Gym.

UNEXPECTEDLY! The NFL Was a Sure Thing for TV Networks. Until Now.

MUST-FLEE TV: THE MISADVENTURES OF BALTIMORE’S MARILYN MOSBY, CHILD PROSECUTOR. As Jack Dunphy asks, why would any sane person even consider joining the Baltimore Police Department?

Baltimore’s last Republican mayor left office the same year the Beatles released Sgt. Pepper.

FLASHBACK: When Typists Were Feared as ‘Love Pirates.’ I type better than 100 words per minute, but I prefer to think of myself as a “love privateer.”

I DUNNO, IT’S 2016. ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN. The door has shut on any chance of Democrats taking back the House.

AND NOW FOR SOME COMIC RELIEF: Presenting…the Clinton IT Department!

“Unexpectedly,” not exactly a step-up from the Obama IT Department, and yet, these are the people who believe that they’re so omniscient, they should regulate every aspect of your life.

DISPATCHES FROM THE EDUCATION APOCALYPSE: Princeton Librarian: “’F*** THEM HATERS!…It Is Our Job To Silence’ Those Skeptical of Microaggressions.”

So much for “question authority.” I’m so old, I can remember when the goal of higher learning was to offer the student a wide variety of knowledge and opinions so that he could make up his own mind as to where in life skepticism is necessary.

But then, that was before the People’s Glorious Cultural Revolution.

NEW CIVILITY WATCH: Wikileaks. Podesta on Bernie Sanders: “I agree.. Where should we stick the knife in?”

SKYNET SMILES: Microsoft’s HoloLens could power tanks on a battlefield.

2016, MAN: Naked man is arrested after attaching electrical wires to his penis and flashing by-passers as he drove through gated community.

21st CENTURY HEADLINES: Mom has three-week long orgasm after giving painless birth.

IF WE’RE GETTING NIXON II, WE MIGHT AS WELL GET SATURDAY NIGHT MASSACRE II: Yes, the President May Fire the FBI Director.

ARE WE HEADED FOR A CIVIL WAR IN AMERICA? An examination from an authoritative source. Well, maybe not, but David Couvillon is quoted extensively, and he’s an authoritative source.

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OBAMACARE’S CHICKENS COME HOME TO ROOST: Check it out.

PAST PERFORMANCE IS NO GUARANTEE OF FUTURE RESULTS.

Shot:

Last week, after the brutal beating of a Giants fan in the Dodgers Stadium parking lot, Los Angeles and San Francisco officials issued a public plea for more “civility and common decency” among sports fans. In January, the shootings in Tucson in which six people were killed and 13 wounded, including Rep. Gabrielle Giffords, sparked a national conversation on civility in politics. The following month, the University of Arizona established the National Institute for Civil Discourse to advocate greater civility in all corners of the public square.

Americans are clearly worried about their behavior toward one another; polls bear this out. And our obsession with our own uncivil behavior is nothing new. Lack of common courtesy is a longstanding American character flaw impossible to eradicate. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t keep trying.

— “Our Civility Deficit,” the Los Angeles Times, April 11, 2011.

Chaser: “Just Sick. L.A. Times journalist Steven Borowiec tweets he’d ‘rather see Trump’s life end.’”

—Twitchy, today.

TIGHTEN UP: GOP internal polling in New Hampshire also shows sharp movement towards Trump.

The big news in this report is the redshift going on in Colorado and New Hampshire, both of which we talked about in yesterday’s probably-no-longer-final edition of Wargaming the Electoral College.

HMM: Infections, Not Antibiotics, May Be Tied to Childhood Obesity. “Is use of antibiotics in infancy tied to childhood obesity? Some studies suggest so, but a new analysis suggests the link may be with infections, rather than antibiotics.”

ANGELO CODEVILLA DIAGNOSES THE EVER SHALLOWER ATLANTIC.

The handwriting was on the wall when the Atlantic replaced Mark Steyn with future Ace Uterus Detective Andrew Sullivan in 2007, the worse trade since the Red Sox dispatched Babe Ruth to the Yankees. And like the Sox, it’s impact has haunted them for years since.

REGULATORY CAPTURE: Global tobacco treaty leaders propose ejecting delegates with ties to industry.

The proposed restriction highlights a growing battle between the industry and backers of the treaty, which went into effect in 2005 to guide national laws and policies in an effort to curb tobacco use, which kills an estimated 6 million people a year worldwide.

The global tobacco industry is estimated to be worth nearly US$800 billion this year.

The International Tobacco Growers Association, a nonprofit group partly funded by big international cigarette companies, said the proposal was “beyond the wildest imagination”.

António Abrunhosa, chief executive of the group and a Portuguese tobacco grower, said in an email to Reuters that such a step was “unthinkable for a United Nations agency”.

We have wars on tobacco, drugs, poverty, terrorism — and we aren’t winning any of them.