IF YOU NEED TRIGGER WARNINGS AND SAFE SPACES, YOU’RE TOO MENTALLY-ILL FOR COLLEGE. YOU NEED TREATMENT UNTIL YOU’RE WELL ENOUGH TO MIX WITH NORMAL PEOPLE. Classical Mythology Too Triggering for Columbia Students: Roman and Greek mythology “contains triggering and offensive material that marginalizes student identities in the classroom,” students say.

In Columbia University’s student newspaper, four members of the school’s student Multicultural Affairs Advisory Board call on professors to be more sensitive when teaching provocative or controversial material… such as the Roman classical poet Ovid.

Ovid is best known for The Metamorphoses, a 15-book narrative poem that covers more than 250 mythological stories. Written entirely in dactylic hexameter, The Metamorphoses inspired future writers from Dante to Chaucer to Shakespeare. Whether or not it’s something today’s students should spend time on may be up for debate, but I think most people can understand why an instructor teaching it would focus on things like the language and imagery invoked.

Not these Columbia students, however. See, some of the myths Ovid recounts involve sexual violence. Zeus’ daughter Persephone (aka Prosperina), for instance, is kidnapped, raped, and taken as a bride by Hades, king of the underworld. The op-ed writers suggest this ancient Greek and Roman myth is too triggering to be taught in today’s classroom.

Right. Even the Victorians could handle the classics. Cost of attending Columbia University: $63,440.

THE COUNTRY’S IN THE VERY BEST OF HANDS: Report: TSA Doesn’t Know if Bomb-Detecting Machines Are ‘Operational.’ It’s all “security theater” anyway.

EVERYTHING HE TOUCHES. Shot: Obama To Build Presidential Library On Chicago’s South Side: Chooses City Where His Political Career Was Born.

Chaser: Moody’s Downgrades Chicago Debt To “Junk,” With Negative Outlook.

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ASHE SCHOW: Andrew Cuomo inadvertently makes case for police involvement in campus sexual assault.

Thanks to the federal government, over the past few years colleges have been moving away from the criminal justice system and creating their own pseudo-justice system to handle sexual assaults. And while New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo is all for that pseudo-system, on Monday he inadvertently made the case for letting the police handle what is actually a crime.

While unveiling his latest idea to combat campus sexual assault — an extension of his proposal from last year — Cuomo, perhaps by accident, described why police involvement is better than campus hearings.

“We’re putting together a special unit in the State Police. Here’s the State Police hotline, call the police, treat it like a criminal justice matter. Your rights were violated, you have nothing to be ashamed of. I’m not going to let the campuses cover it up anymore,” Cuomo said. “You have the right to go to the police, make your case, if that person was guilty, get them out, and make them pay the crime so it won’t happen again. That’s what this law says.”

That last part — “make them pay the crime so it won’t happen again” — is important. The most a college campus could due to a potential rapist is expel them, leaving them free to prey on non-students. It’s the criminal justice system that could actually put away dangerous people.

If that were what Cuomo’s proposal did, it would be a step toward combatting sexual assault. Of course, that is not what his proposal actually does.

Of course not.

GOVERNMENT IS JUST A WORD FOR THE THINGS WE CHOOSE TO DO TOGETHER: How the DEA took a young man’s life savings without ever charging him with a crime. Asset forfeiture is simple predation.

THIS IS JUST AN INCOME TRANSFER FROM TAXPAYERS AND STUDENTS TO LEFTY BIGSHOTS: Liberal speakers dominate college commencements, conservative group says. “Liberal speakers will outnumber conservatives by at least 6-to-1 at the nation’s top 100 schools as ranked by U.S. News & World Report, according to conservative watchdog group Young America’s Foundation. Among the top 10 of the list–which includes schools such as Princeton, the University of Chicago and Duke–none is hosting conservative speakers.” The story doesn’t mention the fees, but they’re in the five- and six-figure range, generally.

A NATION OF LAWS, NOT MEN:   Except, of course, if you’re a progressive.  If you are a progressive, you write things such as Jim Newell’s Salon hatchet piece on the Supreme Court, Supreme Court’s grand ruse ends: Finally Americans see the justices for the hacks they are.  Because, you know, law is politics, in the eyes of a progressive.

THE RULING CLASS PERPETUATES ITSELF: Why Elite Students Get Elite Jobs.

DEAR CLASS OF 2015:  You’re in big trouble.  “The primary reason why today’s graduates face a daunting future: Government is making life more difficult for you.”  Uh-huh.

I PLAN TO DEAL WITH THAT BY BECOMING A ROBOT MYSELF. IF YOU CAN’T BEAT ‘EM, JOIN ‘EM. You Will Lose Your Job To A Robot.

SKY AND TELESCOPE: How To See All Six Apollo Moon Landing Sites.

WHEN IN DOUBT, BLAME FOX NEWS:  At this morning’s Catholic-Evangelical Leadership Summit at Georgetown, President Obama once again blamed Fox News, asserting that if we want to change poverty,“We’re going to have to change how the media reports on these issues.”  Obama’s logic proceeded as follows:

I think there’s been an effort to either make folks mad at folks at the top or be mad at folks at the bottom. And I think the effort to suggest that the poor are sponges, leeches, don’t want to work, are lazy, are undeserving got traction. And look, it’s still being propagated. I mean, I have to say that if you watch Fox News on a regular basis, it is a constant menu — they will find folks who make me mad. I don’t know where they find them. They’re all like, ‘I don’t want to work. I just want a free Obamaphone,’ or whatever.

Well, as my grandma used to say, isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black?  (and no, that’s not racist!).  How very astute of President Obama to observe that making “folks” mad at the “folks on the top,” or vice versa, is incredibly counter-productive and indeed, destructive.  He should know: He (and his progressive henchmen, such as Al Sharpton, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, and the like) are quite adept at this tactic.  Just ask Mitt Romney.  Because, you know, successful people “didn’t build that.”

I don’t recall who said it, but someone once said something along the lines of “he who criticizes others often reveals what he himself lacks.”  Yep.

WHY DARK CHOCOLATE should be your afternoon pick-me-up.

HIGHER EDUCATION BUBBLE UPDATE: UMass Law School Cuts Incoming Class By 33%, Faces $3.8 Million Deficit.

Related: ‘The Vultures Are Circling’ Charleston Law School.

FAILURE: Obama’s plans for trade deals with Asia and Europe in tatters after Senate vote. “Barack Obama’s ambitions to pass sweeping new free trade agreements with Asia and Europe fell at the first hurdle on Tuesday as Senate Democrats put concerns about US manufacturing jobs ahead of arguments that the deals would boost global economic growth. . . . Drama over the landmark trade negotiations has been escalating for weeks, propelling Obama into a public feud with Democrats – going so far as to accuse opposing members within his party of lying about the fast-track bill. The vote marked a rare moment in which Republicans lined up to support the president’s agenda, even as GOP leadership pointed to Obama’s failure to rally his own party in favor of the legislation.”

SPACE: NASA’s Mercury Messenger: What It Learned Before It Crashed.

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MAZEL TOV FOR AARON TIPLIN, but is it that huge an accomplishment to be “still fit at 56”? Well, maybe.