CALL ME UNAMERICAN, but I flunk on all three counts:

We live in an age in which every American from Bakersfield to Nantucket likes lattés, has an idea for a psychological thriller, and knows that NBC is struggling to find a new ratings juggernaut, but hates latté-drinkers and Hollywood types.

Although I don’t actually hate lattes; I just think they’re dramatically inferior to a dry cappuccino.