MISTER, WE COULD USE A MAN LIKE PAUL HARVEY AGAIN: “And on the 8th day, God looked down on his planned paradise and said, ‘I need a tiny, soulless technocrat to tell everyone else how to live their lives.’ So God made a Bloomberg.”

Needless to say, read the whole thing.

UPDATE: Hick Farmers Retaliate Against Coastal Elites By Withholding Ingredients Needed To Make Avocado Toast.

From America’s Newspaper of Record, the Babylon Bee.

(Updated and bumped.)