UNITED: COME FOR THE BLOOD-SPATTERING “RE-ACCOMMODATION,” STAY FOR THE DOXXING! Victim in United Flight Debacle Gets Smear Treatment.

Memories Pizza, Joe the Plumber, and the University of Virginia’s Phi Kappa Psi frat house could not be reached for comment. But as McKay Coppins of the Atlantic tweets in a helpful recommendation, “I’m going to preemptively leak all available dirt on myself before my next United flight just in case. Get ahead of the news cycle.”

Related: “Eric Schiffer, CEO of Reputation Management Consultants, termed United’s handling of the incident ‘brand suicide.’ ‘When you go onto a United flight, you shouldn’t have to be concerned there will be blood or you will get slammed in the face,’ Schiffer said.”

Or have your background printed in newspapers around the world. (At least one British paper ran with the “troubled past” angle on the passenger as well.)

UPDATE: “What chickens**t journalism. His ‘troubled past’ has nothing to do with his being dragged out of his seat on that airplane,” Brit Hume tweets.